I speak now, Pottermore, directly to you. You have permitted your servers to crash for you for you rather than face me yourself. I shall wait one hour in Tumblr. If at the end of that hour, you have not come to me, have not loaded, the battle recommences. This time, I shall enter the internet myself, Pottermore, and I shall find you, and I shall punish every server, flicking 15 seconds times, and support message who has tried to conceal you from me. One hour.
Pottermore, how dare you let those servers crash?! I am absolutely disgusted! We are all now facing a sleepless night and that's entirely your fault! If you decide to keep us waiting another minute, we are all giving up on you! Oh, and J.K. dear, happy birthday. All of the Potterheads and I are so proud.
Seamus Finnigan blew up the Pottermore server, Hermione keeps turning the Time Turner back 15 seconds, Hagrid's late with my cake, and Uncle Vernon is just sitting there smirking, because according to him, "There's no post on Sundays."